The Crosses

It’s been 1 month to the day. One month since my life and so many others have been turned upside down. I was one of the lucky ones, my friends were the lucky ones. I walked away with nothing major, just bumps, bruises, cuts and scrapes. I have vivid memories of many who were way worse than me,  those who I knew wouldn't walk away at all.

Before going to the crosses, the anxiety level was sky high, the nerves were setting in. We stopped and got flowers to put on the crosses of those whom we came into contact with those 3 nights before hell. for the people who had lost their night that night over an act of hate.

As we got to the crosses the nerves settled and I began to heal. Who would have thought that something with so much emotional attachment could have so much healing power. To see the amount of people and LOVE that had been shared with the Fallen 58 was beyond powerful. We placed flower down, and shed tears as we healed together. We shared more stories and painful memories.

This night, one month later, is when I found out that I was the first one to see the first person shot. I have no memory of this. As the told me what I said, I stood in shock trying to remember, but I couldn't. I have some flashbacks but nothing that I can piece together. Then my voice in a video all brought it back. I saw it first, I saw the blood first, I warned them first.

When I got to Kurt's cross I knew that this emotion was different. This man saved me without even knowing it. He was the last person I remember looking in the eye, inside the venue that night. He's the one that told me to run, that this was my last chance. He didn't know he was shot. He sacrificed his own life to save people around him, just like so many others on that night.